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How Can Leaders Change Their Relationship with Feedback?

9/11/2023

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A couple of years ago, I had the chance to interview the amazing Hall of Fame quarterback Anthony Calvillo on my Run Your Life Podcast. Anthony is the Canadian Football League’s all-time passing yardage leader and also the record holder for most touchdowns thrown in a career. During his brilliant 20-year career, Anthony Calvillo threw for almost 80,000 yards, including 455 touchdown passes. 
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As a leader, Anthony had an enormous impact on his team. He led by example, learned from failure, and deeply committed himself to steady improvement over time. The legacy he left on his team, the Montreal Alouettes, will be forever etched into the fabric of that organization. 
Anthony Calvillo had always been a phenomenally gifted athlete. Yet, was he also a naturally gifted leader who demonstrated great leadership skills from the first time he stepped on the field to play professionally? In short, the answer is no. 
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During our interview, Anthony reflected on early days in his career prior to playing for Montreal. At that time, he had been playing for the Hamilton Tiger Cats. Although he had established himself as the best quarterback on the team, he described himself as being overly confident in his abilities, unreceptive to critical feedback, unwilling to show vulnerability and lean on others for support, and too afraid to ask the questions needed to become better at his position. 

As a result, he lasted only two seasons with the Hamilton Tiger Cats and was ultimately cut by the team due to his lack of productivity and for repeating the same mistakes on the field that caused one poor performance after another. 
Being released by the team came as a shock to Anthony and gave him the wake-up call needed to do whatever was necessary to commit himself to true learning and growth.

After he was cut, the Montreal Alouettes invited him for a tryout and the rest is history. He would go on to become one of the most outstanding quarterbacks in league history, winning three championships and multiple MVP awards. When I asked him how he had achieved all of this, he replied that being cut by Hamilton made him realize that he had to let go of his fear of failure and admit that he still had a lot to learn. 

When he got to Montreal, he was designated as the backup quarterback to then all-star quarterback Tracy Ham. Rather than feeling angry and disgruntled about not being the starting quarterback of the team, he devoted himself to being a learner. He actively chose to follow in the footsteps of Tracy Ham, so that he could be mentored by him. He and Tracy developed a very close relationship which allowed Anthony to learn from him and to blossom in his own way under his tutelage. 

During this time, he realized that he had never been open to feedback prior to going to Montreal because he didn’t want to be seen as someone who needed help. Anthony also admitted that, while playing at Hamilton, there was a lot he didn’t understand about the team’s offense, but he was too afraid of asking questions for fear of looking ‘stupid’ and ‘incompetent’. 

This all changed once he made the roster for Montreal. He began to ask questions about everything, so that he could better learn the game and the new offense he was playing in. He also sought as much critical feedback as possible from his coaches, Tracy Ham and fellow players about his performance, so that he could use it as a tool for improvement. In addition, he connected with teammates and built strong relationships by putting them first. Everything he did was about self-improvement so that he could be his very best, not only for himself, but also for his teammates. 
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Once Tracy Ham retired, Anthony took over the starting role and held that position for 16 straight seasons, leading his team to one victory after another and multiple championships. In the process, he also became a transformational leader that led by example in order to inspire and empower his team around him to also strive for both personal and professional excellence. 
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I use Anthony Calvillo’s story as a metaphor for what it takes to lead with authenticity, to build trust and engagement in the workplace and for any leader wanting to ultimately leave an enduring mark on their organization through their ability to drive long-term change. 

Great leaders have a transformative impact that extends far beyond their reach of immediate responsibilities. They intuitively know that honest and constructive feedback from their peers, subordinates and mentors must be prioritized, so that they not only know their strengths, but more importantly remain aware of their own shortcomings. These types of leaders know that a lack of feedback will negatively impact their own growth and improvement which will have a trickle-down impact on the entire organization. They ultimately know that everything starts at the top, therefore they must lead by example and model what it means to seek the feedback needed to continually improve and make the impact they desire. 

A 2020 report done by Deloitte’s Global Human Capital Trends found that only about 33% of leaders surveyed in their study reported that they regularly seek critical feedback from their peers and subordinates. Despite the fact that most leaders understand the importance of critical feedback, the majority of leaders, based on this study, avoid it. 

So, why might this be? A variety of research on leadership has identified that there are several common factors that contribute to why some leaders do not seek regular feedback, with the main factors being:

  •  Fear of Criticism: Leaders oftentimes worry that criticism and negative feedback will highlight their weaknesses or failures which can threaten their self-esteem or reputation. 
  • Lack of Self-Awareness: Some leaders have done very little work to strengthen their own self-awareness and may not even realize they need feedback. As a result, they are unable to tune into the fact that the people they lead see areas in need of improvement in regard to their leadership. 
  • Lack of Trust: Leaders who have little trust in their subordinates and peers may refrain from seeking feedback as they worry it could be used against them or be shared inappropriately. 
  • Being ‘Above’ Feedback: Some leaders believe that feedback should only be given ‘to’ subordinates not received ‘from’ subordinates. This is especially the case when leaders are not encouraged to provide feedback upward to senior leaders above them in the organization. 
  • Insecurity: Leaders who may feel insecure in their role oftentimes avoid feedback as it can reinforce their feelings of inadequacy or imposter syndrome. 
  • Unsure of How to Effectively Seek Honest Feedback: Many leaders understand that feedback is important, but often find it challenging to be more effective and precise in how feedback can be collected and analyzed in order to set goals for improvement for themselves and their organization. 

Although there are leaders who have colleagues in their organization complete general feedback surveys once or twice a year, there are times when not much is done with this data. Even though feedback data may be thoroughly analyzed with general findings being communicated to staff, this is oftentimes done in ways that does not reveal the whole truth, making it a much less efficient process.

The most difficult thing here is to find the balance needed between gathering general feedback related to leadership on a whole, but also making it an expectation that every leader within the organization must also gather individual feedback as well. Determining the most efficient and effective process for gathering feedback that actually leads to growth, progress, and positive change can be very challenging for leaders to take action on. 

If you are a leader reading this, perhaps none of the 6 factors for ‘not seeking regular feedback’ apply to your own leadership journey or your organization. Seeking feedback may be a genuine strength and something you and your organization takes deep pride in. If so, keep doing what you’re doing as it models what it means to lead with authenticity in order to make everyone around you better. 

However, if you fall into the category of the 67% of leaders who don’t regularly seek critical feedback, know that you are not alone. Know that many other leaders out there also find it challenging to actively seek the feedback needed to honestly reflect on their own leadership. Whatever the reasons are for not making regular feedback a part of your own leadership journey doesn’t matter. What matters most is that you can always change your relationship with feedback. 

As the prominent American self-help author, motivational speaker, and spiritual teacher, Wayne Dyer, once said: 

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Changing the lens through which we look at progress and growth is critical in the process of transforming ourselves into the leader that our organizations truly need us to be. Bearing this in mind, any leader who struggles with seeking regular feedback might consider these four things: 

1.    Better Understand Your Impact
Taking the time needed to reflect on your true impact in the workplace matters. The fact is that everyone in the organization usually pays close attention, whether consciously or subconsciously, to their leaders’ actions, words and ways of behaving. If leaders avoid getting the regular feedback needed to improve themselves and their organization, they may be directly responsible for creating an environment where employees feel unheard and undervalued. As a result, this can lead to lower morale and workplace engagement. 

Any leader who sincerely reflects on their impact, knows that they play a big part in the success or lack of success of the organization. Acknowledging that there is room for growth and improvement in their own leadership practice and taking the risks needed to seek honest and genuine feedback is a true game-changer for themselves and their organization. This alone should be enough to take more consistent action on making regular feedback a part of their leadership practice. 

2.    Start with One Question
There are a multitude of ways feedback can be gathered. Many feedback protocols can easily be found by connecting with other leaders or doing your own search on the Internet. However, one of the best ways to start is by using one simple question: 


 What is one thing you think I can do more of or less of to be more impactful as a leader? 
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If you are beginning this process, you can start by asking this one question to those who you trust the most in the organization. From there, you can extend your reach by taking the chance to ask other people in the organization the same question. You can ask this question yourself face-to-face, you can send out an anonymous Google Form, or you can have someone you trust ask this question to others on your behalf. 

The fact that you are asking this question sends the message to everyone that you care and that you are actively seeking their feedback to better understand your impact and how you can improve. 

3.    Safety First
When beginning to seek regular feedback, everyone must feel a sense of genuine safety in being able to answer feedback questions with honesty. This is especially the case when feedback is being delivered from subordinates to their direct line managers or senior leaders in the organization. Psychological safety is a critical part of the workplace environment as it encourages open communication, candor, risk-taking, and learning from mistakes. 

4.    Seek Coaching/Mentorship
It is not necessary that leaders sit with critical feedback on their own. A lot of thinking needs to go into how to best process the feedback in a way that allows leaders to come out on the other side better for having sought the feedback in the first place. Sitting with a trusted colleague, coach or mentor is an important step in the process of gathering feedback, analyzing it, and creating an actionable plan related to how best to address the feedback in order to set relevant goals.

A key element of this journey also requires being intentional about how leaders will communicate what they learned through the feedback and how they are addressing it. Being clear, concise, transparent and intentional about the feedback process with the colleagues in your organization enhances trust and sets a very positive tone. 

In the introduction of this article we looked at Anthony Calvillo’s story and how he took action to change his relationship with feedback. His extraordinary achievements were a direct result of his willingness to create the changes needed to not only pursue personal and professional excellence, but to also inspire his team to do the same. 
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Any leader reading this can do the same. However, it requires an objective evaluation of their current relationship with feedback and the extent to which they are truly modeling what it means to actively seek the feedback needed to improve themselves and their organization. Please share this article with any leader who you feel will benefit from reading it. Thanks!
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The Impact of Authentic Leadership

8/28/2023

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Regardless of industry or profession, most leaders nowadays face a very uncertain, unpredictable world that is made even more difficult due to the increased prevalence of mental health issues in the workplace. According to recent research done by the World Health Organization, on a global level, more than 264 million people of all ages suffer from depression and over 300 million people live with constant anxiety ranging from mild to incapacitating. 
Added to this, the American Psychological Association found that only 53% of the workforce in the US felt that their organizations truly supported staff well-being. 

And to complicate matters even further, many employees are very apprehensive to disclose mental health issues they are experiencing due to a variety of factors including the stigma attached to being mentally unwell and the fear of negative consequences. 

With the research showing that the mental health crisis is only going to get worse, organizations and businesses need to find and develop the very best leaders possible to help guide them through these difficult times and into the future. 

What type of leadership style might work best considering the vastly changing landscape of the workplace and the mental health crisis these organizations currently face or will probably face one day? 

Research done by Dr. Bill George, Dr. Bruce Avioli, and Dr. Fred Luthans would strongly suggest that organizations that value and prioritize an authentic leadership style are much more successful at promoting deeper trust, employee engagement, and positive outcomes. 

Dr. Fred Luthans’ research, more specifically, has shown that leaders who build and utilize psychological resources such as hope, optimism, resilience, and self-efficacy in the workplace have a very high degree of success in creating the conditions necessary for higher levels of well-being and mental health in the workplace. But, all of this is not possible without trust. 

As the expression goes, “When there is no trust, there is nothing. Trust is all.”

Where there is trust, there is safety. 
Where there is safety, there is belonging.
Where there is belonging, there is connection.
Where there is connection, there is hope. 
Where there is hope, there is purpose and engagement. 
Where there is purpose and engagement, there is productivity. 
Where there is productivity, there is success for all. 
Where there is success for all, everyone wins. 


Promoting authentic leadership within organizations is essential nowadays. Any leader wanting to delve more deeply into building trust in the workplace, should look into the work of author and trust expert Charles Feltman. I’ve been lucky enough to have Charles on my Run Your Life podcast several times over the past couple of years to discuss the work he does helping leaders to build more trust in their organizations. Here is a link to our last conversation on my podcast.

Charles Feltman breaks down trust into 4 assessment domains:

  1. Care
  2. Sincerity
  3. Reliability
  4. Competence

In his book, The Thin Book of Trust, Charles focuses on the concept of trust and its importance in personal and professional relationships. His book provides readers with practical advice and tools to better understand and build trust in various contexts such as workplaces, teams and every day interactions. 

Any leader who reads the Thin Book of Trust is sure to walk away with a deeper understanding of the importance of trust as a foundational tool for effective communication, collaboration, and productivity. 

This book provides readers with a specific language and a framework to use to prioritize trust and ensure that all stakeholders have a voice in the organization so that they feel understood and heard. 

Authentic leadership begins with trust. When trust is truly prioritized in an organization, there will no doubt be increased levels of social, emotional, and mental wellness. Addressing the mental health crisis in the workplace is in the hands of all leaders and the extent to which they develop a more authentic style of leadership. 
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Using Charles Feltman’s framework, perhaps reflecting on the following questions might provide leaders insight into which areas they might have to focus on better developing in order to be more authentic in our leadership style. Let me know your thoughts and what resonates with you. What other reflective questions might you add to the list below? Thanks for reading and shine on wherever you are in the world.
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6 Reflective Questions to Promote Deeper Self-Awareness For Leaders

8/21/2023

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As the landscape of education continues to evolve and constantly change, leaders serve as important role models for their organizations and the people within them. When leaders prioritize their own learning and development, they set a very positive example for all stakeholders in the organization, including their fellow leaders. 

These types of leaders consistently strive to improve themselves through active self-reflection and seeking the critical feedback needed to know their strengths and identify their areas for development. As well, great leaders know that they have blind spots and take proactive steps to improve their skills, behavior, and decision-making. When leaders ask for feedback, it creates a sense of inclusion, belonging and empowerment among team members. It leads to increased employee morale, engagement, and overall trust in leadership. 

Research clearly shows that the most effective leaders are the ones who actively put strategies into action to enhance their own self-awareness. Deepening levels of self-awareness allows leaders to better understand how they might respond under pressure and to align their own self-perception with how they are actually perceived by others. They seek to understand and minimize this ‘perception’ gap.

The quote from the start of this blog post, to me, reflects exactly what it means to lead with authenticity, as leaders have to put themselves out there. They know they will make mistakes and fail from time to time. They also know that they must continually strive to improve and get better. Any master of their craft knows how much practice goes into honing their skills. Just as a professional athlete has put in countless repetitions to improve their skillset, great leaders do the same. They know they have to continually improve, rather than risk the chance of becoming irrelevant and ineffective within their own role. 

Asking ourselves the right questions at the right times also allows for genuine self-reflection and with this reflection comes the ability to recalibrate, reframe, and reset as necessary.
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Which questions below resonate the most with you based on where you are at with your own leadership journey? Which questions might help you best reflect on your leadership in a way that allows you to deepen your own level of self-awareness? If none of these questions apply, what might be some other questions that are more relevant to you that you need to explore in order to better understand yourself and the growth needed to improve your ability to lead? Please share in the comment box below.
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9 Themes to Promote Deeper Self-Awareness

8/19/2023

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Having been a podcaster for nearly ten years now, I feel very lucky to have been able to interview so many amazing humans from a wide variety of professional fields. Whether it be a best-selling author, Olympic gold medallist, professional athlete, top educator or world-renowned performance psychologist, many of my guests share very similar core values and guiding principles that have allowed them to thrive within their chosen fields. 

There is amazing commonality in their own pursuits of excellence, both personally and professionally. Not only have most of them been through very tough times and had to overcome a number of challenges in order to find their true path, every single one of them understands and applies deep reflection with consistency in their lives. 

We all want to do well and be impactful. We all have our own unique talents and gifts that we offer the world. Many of us have also done a lot of work to build on our strengths in order to improve our ability to make the genuine difference we desire. 

As I have devoted my life and work to the field of education for more than 20 years now, this post is dedicated to all of the amazing educators out there who are striving to do their very best. Whether you are a classroom or single subject teacher, principal or director of a school, this post is for you. This post is also for anyone else reading this who may not be in education. These themes and reflective questions apply to any professional field or individual pursuit of excellence.

In moving forward with this post, I want to share 9 themes that resonate the most with me, based on my own learning over the past ten years. Many of these themes continually reveal themselves in the interviews I’ve done with extraordinary people on my podcast. Many of my guests continually explore these themes, in their own life, in ways that have them reflecting not only on what they are doing well, but more importantly what it is they need to improve on to help move them closer to the desired self they wish to be. 

Through these 9 themes, I have also been able to reflect more deeply and doing so has helped to keep me more on track in my own personal and professional life and to be as impactful as possible in my work. 

I hope that these 9 themes (and reflective questions) provoke your own thinking, spark curiosity within yourself, and help to guide your own journey of deep learning. I hope you can take away the themes and questions that most resonate with you. My biggest wish is that you can apply any of these themes and reflective questions, in a way, that allows to you honestly reflect on where you are at and what you might need to do to make more progress and improvement in your own personal and professional life --- and to deepen your own level of self-awareness along the way. Please feel free to share this post with anyone who you feel will benefit from reading it. 
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Living in Greater Alignment

8/12/2021

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Photo credit: https://steveivaska.com/lessons-in-leadership-living-life-in-alignment-with-your-priorities/
“Rather than looking outward in an attempt to predict the outcome, you turn inward to your identity. You base your decisions on who you are--or who you want to be.” ― Adam Grant, Originals
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It can be tough to predict what will or will not happen in the future with any degree of accuracy in these uncertain times. However, considering the ever-changing times we face, deepening our ability to pivot, reset, and re-calibrate are life skills that can serve us personally and professionally. Still, as much as we acknowledge how essential these skills are, actually putting them into action can be a complicated thing to do when faced with uncertainty in our life or when an unforeseen situation suddenly presents itself to us. 

As well-known author and consultant Adam Grant states, the ability to turn our attention inward and genuinely tap into our own identity can help us better understand who we are and who we want to be. Although Adam’s words are very empowering and draw attention to the importance of self-awareness, I would add that we still need something to anchor ourselves to when we reflect on the nature of our own identity. This is especially true when more challenging times suddenly appear in our lives. 

Reflecting on the essence of who we are and who we want to be is made much easier when we have clearly articulated values that we hold front and center in our lives. Rather than focusing on what we hope will happen in the future or believing that everything will unfold as we planned for, what if we instead just focused on the extent to which we align with the core values we believe to be most important in our lives? Will essential decisions in our life become easier to make if we do this? 

Living in alignment with our core values significantly boosts our consistency regarding our thoughts, words, and actions. In addition, when we live in this alignment with more regularity, we put ourselves in a much better position to know who we are, what we stand for, and whether or not we are on the right track to becoming the person we want to be. Finally, we have a hook to hang our hat on and better reflect on who we are and what we represent. 

If I asked you to identify your top 3-4 core values right now, could you? How clearly can you articulate what it is you believe in most? And how often do you reflect on the extent to which your thoughts, actions, and words align with the values you think are most important in your life? As an exercise, try writing out a list of values that you feel guide you both personally and professionally. Once you have your list, flip it into driving questions that can help you better reflect on who you are and who you want to be. 

For example, your list may include the core values of Compassion, Courage, Curiosity, and Kindness. It’s OK if you are not completely clear, but at least have a go at brainstorming a potential list of core values. Once you have done this, turn each core value into a reflective question. These questions can be used as writing prompts in your journal each time you reflect on important decisions you have to make in your life. 

Compassion: To what extent did I show compassion toward myself and others today (or this past week)? What examples can I provide? 

Courage: To what extent did I demonstrate courage today (or this past)? What examples can I provide? 

Curiosity: To what extent did I put curiosity into action in my life today (or this past week)? What examples can I provide? 

Kindness: To what extent did I show kindness toward others today (or this past week)? What examples can I provide? 

Achieving desired outcomes and always hoping that things will work out as planned is a natural part of life. However, having specific strategies to lean on when things don’t go our way or when we encounter challenging times can significantly enhance our ability to make informed decisions rooted in the values that we hold near and dear to our hearts. 
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A Champion's Mindset

5/27/2020

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2014 European Ryder Cup Champion Stephen Gallacher
In this episode, I interview 2014 Ryder Cup champion, Stephen Gallacher. For more than two decades, Stephen has played professional golf on one of the most elite stages in the world and it is because of this experience that he has devoted himself to giving back to the game through the Stephen Gallacher Foundation that he started in 2012. The mission of his foundation is to grow the roots of golf more deeply in Scotland by providing increased opportunity for juniors to have access to the game. 

Stephen has played in 20 majors including 2 Masters, 4 US Opens, 8 Open Championships, and 6 PGA Championships. As well, 2014 European Ryder Cup captain, Paul McGinley, selected Stephen as one of his captain's picks to join the European squad that ultimately went on to defeating the Americans at Gleneagles Golf Club. Stephen had a dream to be able to play on this team as it would have been the first time the Ryder Cup had been on Scottish soil in over 40 years.

Going into the 2013 season, he outlined a very specific plan that would allow him to focus on playing his very best in order to earn a spot on the Ryder Cup team. Through discipline, hard work, and focus, Stephen was able to win back-to-back times in 2013 and 2014 at the Omega Dubai Classic, as well make 4 of 6 cuts in the majors in from June 2013 through to August 2014. He also had several other strong showings in tournaments during this time. 

In this episode, we dive deeply into the important roles that resilience and grit played in Stephen's career, especially after being sidelined for nearly 18 months with a debilitating autoimmune disease. Coming back stronger than ever was not only due to having a tremendous amount of gratitude for being able to play the game he loved, it was also due to the wonderful support network he had established in his personal and professional life. 

Stephen is a true gentlemen that leads by example. Whether you are a golfer or not, you are sure to find takeaway value in this episode that you can apply in your own life. ​
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Click on episode photo to access this interview with Stephen Gallacher
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The Innovator's Mindset

5/5/2020

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"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader."
-John Quincy Adams

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Think of the best leaders you have ever had. How did they make you feel? How did they lift you up and empower you to let your strengths shine? How did they strive to connect with you and learn from you? I recently had George Couros on my Run Your Life show. George is a world renowned leadership consultant and an author of two books, The Innovator's Mindset and Innovating Inside the Box.

In George's book, The Innovator's Mindset, he encourages teachers and administrators to empower their learners to wonder, to explore—and to become forward-thinking leaders. He firmly believes that if we want innovative students, we need innovative educators. In other words, innovation begins with every educator working in a school. 

This book has been widely read by educators around the world and led to George writing his second book, Innovating Inside the Box, which deeply focuses on 
creating purposeful learning opportunities for all students. 

In the episode that we recorded, George dives deeply into the impact that a great leader can have on the people who they serve and the importance of leadership at all levels across a school. As well, George speaks about an important mentor that he had early in his career that recognized his strengths and helped to develop him into the leader that he became. This is a great conversation about leadership, learning, and about striving for both personal and professional excellence. 

To find out more about George visit georgecouros.ca. Hope you have a listen to this thought-provoking episode with George Couros. Click on the image below of access the episode. 
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The Compassion Prison Project

4/30/2020

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"When you study prison populations, you see a common preponderance of childhood trauma and mental illness. The two go together. So what we have in prisons is our most traumatized people in our society."
​                                            ~Dr. Gabor Mate

I feel grateful to have had the chance this past week to interview the inspiring Fritzi Horstman, the Executive Director and Founder of the Compassion Prison Project. Fritzi's work aims to bring more humanity and compassion to incarcerated men and women, so that they can experience the love, connection, and belonging needed to re-enter society and to give back in ways that not only make a difference in the communities that they came from, but to also empower themselves to find meaning and purpose in their own lives. 

Fritzi's most important message to the men and women that she works 
with in the prison system is that their true nature is not violent and hateful but instead magnificent and magical. She wants them to understand that they are not defined by their trauma or the crimes that they have committed that put them behind bars. She wants them to understand that deep within themselves, they are kind, caring, and good people who never had the chance that other people had in life. Fritzi wants each inmate she works with to find the good within themselves and to find a purposeful way to give back to their communities and to better learn about the devastating impact that trauma can have. 

As Dr. Gabor Mate says, our prisons are filled with the most traumatized individuals in our society. Childhood trauma comes in many different forms. In this episode, Fritzi discusses the Adverse Childhood Experiences Test (ACE Test) which anyone can take for free. This test has a series of questions that you either answer 'yes' or 'no' to and then gives you an ACE score out of ten. She highly recommends that all people take the ACE Test as it can help them understand the impact that trauma may or may not have had in their lives. 

Fritzi has a very creative side to her that was developed even further through her work in the movie industry. She is a TV producer, director and writer and won a Grammy award for best music film working alongside Dr. Dre in 2017 in the documentary series The Defiant One. She has also worked with many other well-known stars over the years including Jewel, Richard Dreyfuss, Christian Slater, Jennifer Lopez, Alyssa Milano, Ashton Kutchar and many more. Although she found success in the movie industry, she has found much greater purpose and meaning in the work she now does with the Compassion Prison Project.

My conversation with Fritzi dives very deeply into the impact of childhood trauma, the importance of compassion for others and compassion for self, the power of belonging and connection, and the need to look more closely at our own lives and the work we need to do to live with more fulfillment and meaning. 

If you intend on listening to this podcast, I highly recommend that you first watch the video below. In this video you will see Fritzi lead the 'compassion trauma circle' with 235 inmates in Lancaster, California on February 12th, 2020. It is a powerful video that reveals the inspiring work that Fritzi has devoted herself to. 
Hope you have a chance to listen to my conversation with Fritzi Horstman. Please share the episode with anyone who you think will benefit from listening to it. You can access the podcast by clicking on the photo below and if you want to connect with Fritzi, she'd be happy to hear from you. All of her contact information can be found in the show notes of this episode. 
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As the Story Goes

4/25/2020

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“The difference between passion and addiction is that between a divine spark and a flame that incinerates.”
― Gabor Maté, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

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Photo Credit: https://drgabormate.com/
Dr. Gabor Mate, a world renowned addiction expert, best-selling author, and speaker has an extensive body of work related to trauma, addiction, stress and childhood development. Based on his years of research related to addiction and mental illness, Dr. Gabor Mate firmly asserts that the source of addictions/mental illness is not to be found in genes but in the early childhood environment. By taking a compassionate inquiry approach to mental illness and addiction, Dr. Mate helps his patients better understand themselves and the root causes of their disorder. Through his insight into the relationship between the body and the mind, he empowers his patients by helping them to reconnect with themselves at both the emotional and physiological levels. By developing an in-depth self awareness practice, his patients learn to reconnect with authentic feelings and emotions and through this process they are able to liberate themselves from self-destructive behaviors. 

In January 2019, I had the opportunity to interview Theo Fleury on my podcast. Theo is a 13-year veteran of the National Hockey League having played on the Calgary Flames, New York Rangers, Colorado Avalanche, and the Chicago Blackhawks. He also won the Stanley Cup in 1989 when he played with the Calgary Flames. To most people it would seem that Theo had an extraordinary life as he was a professional athlete, making millions of dollars and was cherished by hockey fans around the world. 


The truth is that Theo lived a very tormented life that was brought on by acute trauma that he had experienced while playing junior hockey. Theo also grew up in a very dysfunctional family that was plagued by poverty. Throughout his professional hockey career, Theo's issues with drug and alcohol abuse were well documented, as was his gambling addiction. In Theo's own words, he estimates having lost over 50 million dollars gambling. Everything came to a boiling point in 2004 when Theo almost took his own life. He tells this story in detail in the episode that we recorded and speaks in-depth about his recovery process. Dr. Gabor Mate's work played a pivotal role in Theo's recovery and continues to make a difference in his life today. Through intensive therapy, Theo found a new path in life that led him to creating Fleury Enterprises which focuses on relational trauma and educating the public about the prevalence and signs of emotional injury. He is deeply committed to increasing awareness about trauma and reach more people who are in pain and in need of help. 
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I'm re-releasing this episode with Theo on my new podcast platform. The conversation was rich with insight and Theo's honesty and commitment to make a difference in the world by being of service to others is so very commendable. If you know someone who might be suffering from mental illness, addiction issues, or trauma, you might direct their toward Theo's work and the work of Dr. Gabor Mate. 

I've included the link below to my conversation with the inspiring Theo Fleury. Click on the photo to access As The Story Goes. 
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https://www.buzzsprout.com/881980/3033331-as-the-story-goes-run-your-life-91
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Resiliency and Growth

4/23/2020

2 Comments

 

"Resilience and strength can be attained through unexpected routes."
~Dr. Scott Barry-Kaufman


Ex-Army Major James Greenshields was a commanding officer in the Australian military who was responsible for leading a combat team of more than 100 soldiers into Iraq from 2005-2007. James, who was born into a military family, strongly felt from a young age that he meant to one day serve in the army in order to defend his country and be of service to others. After joining the army, James quickly rose through the ranks due to his natural ability to lead and communicate with others. 

In preparation for his deployment to Iraq, he was put in charge of assembling his own combat team, training them, and equipping them with the necessary skills to support their mission and to protect one another. James was known as the kind of leader who led from the front. He never expected anyone on his combat team to do anything that he wouldn't do. If they were heading into danger, he was the one who led from the front. To James, he had no choice but to embody courage and bravery as these were, in his mind, the qualities that exemplified strong leadership. 

In 2007, while out on patrol, the armored vehicle which was carrying he and his crew was hit by a roadside bomb. This incident forever changed the path of James' life and after returning to Australia, the mental scars from the bombing haunted him, causing him to grapple with a number of unresolved issues that ultimately led to PTSD and major depression. At one point, the inability to deal with these emotions and the trauma caused by this ordeal resulted in James almost taking his own life. 

James was able to confront his emotional pain and found a new sense of purpose in an emotional resiliency program that he participated in which taught him to proactively deal with the trauma he had experienced. By doing the deep internal work necessary, James was able to once again thrive and to find greater meaning in his life. He and his wife now run the Resilient Leaders Foundation which is based in Australia and they have devoted themselves to helping provide people with the tools, resources and skills to lead and collaborate in order to make a difference in the world and to thrive. 

I recently had the chance to interview James on my podcast and in this episode he spoke about the concept of post-traumatic growth. We are so used to hearing the term 'post traumatic stress disorder', but the research done by Dr, George Bonanno has shown that many people who have experienced major trauma in their life not only show incredible resilience but actually thrive in the aftermath of the traumatic event.

Researchers Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun coined the term "Post-Traumatic Growth' to capture this phenomenon. Dr. Scott Barry-Kaufman wrote a great article about the concept of Post Traumatic Growth which highlighted 7 areas that have been reported to spring from adversity: 


Greater appreciation of life
​Greater appreciation and strengthening of close relationship
Increased compassion and altruism
The identification of new possibilities or a purpose in life
Greater awareness and utilization of personal strengths
Enhanced spiritual development
Creative growth


In Scott's article, he writes about the idea of 'cognitive exploration' and how exploring our thoughts and feelings that come with a traumatic event allows us to delve more deeply into how we might find new meaning in a seemingly incomprehensible experience in our life. 

In my episode with James Greenshields, it is evident that this is the process that he went through himself during his PTSD and major depression. James learned how to be curious about his emotions and feelings in order to better understand what they represent at the core of his being. In learning more a himself and remaining open and curious, he was able to listen to his inner voice and find the strength to discover new meaning and purpose in his life. The world is a better place as James' work has made such a difference to many people who have taken his workshops. 

If you have the time and are interested in learning more about James' story, I've included a link to the podcast below. As well, I have hyperlinked Dr. Scott Barry-Kaufman's article above and his website. Scott's work has had a deep impact on the work I do and I strongly recommend that you get your hands on a copy of his new book Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization.


​Thanks for reading and continue to shine brightly during these difficult times. 
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https://www.buzzsprout.com/881980/3472924-resilient-leadership-with-james-greenshields
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    KAUST Faculty, Workshop Leader, Presenter, Certified Cognitive Coach

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